As part of the PERMA model
we are discussing I would like to expand on the second letter
E:
E - Engagement
Being engaged with what you are
doing means to be there in the moment, to be present and to flow.
Unfortunately, human minds tend to wander. According to research
done by Killingsworth and Gilbert from Harvard University, a
wandering mind is not a happy mind. The ability to think is a
cognitive achievement, but it comes with an emotional cost
(chrome-extension://efaidnbmnnnibpcajpcglclefindmkaj/viewer.html?pdfurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwjhwww.harvard.edu%2F~dtg%2FKILLINGSWORTH%2520%26%2520GILBERT%2520%25282010%2529.pdf&clen=170965&chunk=true
- 3 March 2022).
Not many of us are engaged with
what we are doing at the moment. We are all over the show, either
in the past or in the future, or we are busy thinking of other
things instead of the task at hand. This research of Killingsworth
and Gilbert shows that what people were thinking whilst doing
something was a better predictor of their happiness than what they
were actually doing. So let's say you like to exercise, but while
you are exercising you are thinking negative thoughts. You are
still angry with your boss, and you still feel that you were
overlooked with your promotion, etc. Then a lot of the benefits of
exercising are lost. A blank mind/neutral mind is also not great;
it can deduct up to 10 percent from your happiness. But if you
think of pleasant things-see the sky, the flowers, enjoy what you
are doing, tell yourself that you are so happy now- it contributes
up to 10 percent on top of the activity that you are doing. So if
you want to work on your happiness, then do those activities that
you like doing, but make sure that your mind is present. Tell
yourself that you are so happy now, that you are enjoying the
moment, and that you are loving your life. Notice the small, yet
beautiful things all around you and appreciate that.
We live in a province that is not
known for its physical beauty. Our family, on the other hand, lives
in arguably one of the most beautiful places on the planet. Often I
would imagine myself living there instead of where we were living.
I would imagine the mountains and the sea and all the beauty
surrounding me, and I would think that I would be so much happier
if we just lived there. However, we had a good business where we
lived, so it would be wise to stay right where we were. So one day
I just decided that I am going to see the beauty where we live, and
I am going to love it and enjoy every minute of it. Since making
that decision, I have seen so many beautiful things. I have learned
to appreciate so many things right where we were living (like the
weather, we definitely have the best weather in the world!). I can
truly say that I now love to stay right where we are. I am enjoying
it, and I feel fulfilled. It was just a mind shift, and it has made
all the difference for me. Just making conscious decisions to be
engaged and mindful and happy right where you are can change your
whole world. Therein lies so much happiness locked up, waiting for
you to just turn the key and unlock it.
Also, when you are socializing make
sure that you are present in the conversation. Have you ever had
coffee/lunch with someone who checks their phone every few minutes?
How does this make you feel? Do you feel valued and important, or
do you feel as if you do not really matter to this person? Of
course you do not feel valued or important, because the person is
not engaged in your conversation; they are distracted and all over
the show. And the distraction of social media has a lot to do with
it.
Social media can be a great tool in
so many areas, but it has totally disengaged us from the world.
Social media can be incredibly disconnecting and can actually make
you feel very lonely. Obsession with likes, shares, etcetera can
become very unhealthy very quickly. And the more isolated and
lonely we feel, the more we go on our phones, and it just makes
matters worse. It is an evil cycle. We then try and post just the
best so that others will like us, but in fact, we are breaking
inside and just seeing how others are having "fun," which is mostly
fake as well.
Social media is tightening its grip
on us and stealing our time and energy. Beware that social media
blurs opinion and fact. It is free from standards and sanctions and
can be providing misinformation (half-truths) and disinformation
(untruths) leading you to a very different destination that has the
ability to make you very unhappy. Remember, there is a thing such
as "bad science." We rely on YouTube for all information instead of
on facts. Most of them do not have the scientific backgrounds to
say what they are saying. It leads us to become dangerously
superstitious, being fooled by pseudoscience, and becoming
uninterestingly irrational and conspiratorial. Conspiracies can
make you dangerously irrational. Unlearn dangerous mind-capture and
rather follow God's Word and His guidelines and scientific studies
combined with the experience of many years of experts. God will
show you what to believe and what to do about your beliefs. He
cares about you affectionately and passionately; He doesn't want
you to be twisted up in lies. He wants you to be free and to enjoy
the present moment.
We need to be engaged again in what
we are doing. When you are spending time with God or a friend, put
the phone away. When you are working, focus on your work, rather
than checking your emails every few minutes. I have the ability to
concentrate for long periods on end, and this has helped me
tremendously with my studies and work. But the last couple of years
I have noticed my attention span shortening. For example, I will be
working, then suddenly I will wonder if it is going to rain this
afternoon, then I check my phone, and in the process I'll see a
WhatsApp as well as an email, with links to videos that I must see,
and before I know it forty minutes are wasted. I wasn't engaged in
what I was doing. Then I feel bad about the wasted time and try to
make it up until something else distracts me. It got really bad. I
had to force myself to keep my phone away and look at it only when
I take breaks and not before. I also left most social media sites,
as they stole at least an hour of my day. Slowly but surely my
attention span has improved, and I get so much more done, which in
turn leads to me feeling happier about my progress. But what about
teenagers who do not have the self-discipline to do it? I have so
much sympathy! We as parents should help them and give them the
right guidance.
We need to be engaged in what we
are doing, we need to be in the present moment, and then do our
best. But if you make a mess in the process of trying your best,
then it is not such a big deal. We are not superhuman beings; we
all make mistakes. Ask yourself: Will this still matter in ten
hours, ten days, ten months, in ten years' time? How bad is this
really? Make amends as far as you can, forgive yourself if need be,
learn from your mistakes, and move on. Do not be too hard on
yourself; you tried.
Also, part of being engaged in the
moment is meditation, prayer, and deep breathing. These three
elements help a great deal to keep you in the present moment and to
allow His Spirit to flow though you. After all, God's Name is the
great "I AM," not the great "I WAS" or the great "I WILL BE." God
lives in the present moment. In this moment, He engages with us and
deals with us. It is the present, the gift that He blessed us with.
His grace is sufficient for today; we needn't waste it on tomorrow
(Matthew 6:34). Rather, live in His presence today, in this moment,
and experience the grace that He wants to bless you with. Be here,
in the moment, right now. It is truly a very precious gift. Do not
miss out on all the wonderful things that God is blessing you with.
It is all around, waiting to be discovered by those who take the
time to do so.
(Excerpt from
Flourishing: God's way by Ilze Henderson)